People-pleasing habits, while often seen as a harmless or even positive trait, can be deeply connected to unresolved trauma. Our psychologists help clients explore the roots of people-pleasing and how it can serve as a trauma response, often linked to feelings of fear and insecurity that developed during childhood or in response to prior events.
What is People Pleasing?
People pleasing involves going out of one’s way to satisfy others, often at the expense of personal needs or boundaries. This behavior can result from trauma, particularly if an individual grew in an environment where their needs were neglected, or they were conditioned to avoid conflict. In these cases, people-pleasing becomes a survival strategy, allowing the person to avoid confrontation or rejection by constantly seeking approval.
A trauma response is essentially an unconscious reaction to a perceived threat, and people-pleasing often originates in the fear of abandonment, judgment, or disapproval. For many, early life experiences—such as growing up in an unpredictable or neglectful home environment —may have reinforced the idea that pleasing others was the only way to feel safe or valued. Over time, this behavior becomes ingrained, persisting even in situations where it no longer serves a protective purpose.
Anxiety, Burnout, and Resentment
People who engage in people-pleasing often experience high levels of anxiety, burnout, and resentment. They may struggle with setting boundaries, saying "no," or expressing their true feelings for fear of disappointing others. These individuals may also expeirence a deep sense of guilt or shame when they are unable to meet the expectations of others, which can further perpetuate this behavioral cycle.
In therapy, addressing people-pleasing as a trauma response involves helping clients recognize the patterns that drive this behavior and uncovering the underlying fear or pain that fuels it. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be useful in identifying and challenging the negative beliefs that contribute to people-pleasing, while trauma-focused therapies like EMDR can help process past experiences that may have triggered this response.
At Elevated Healing Treatment Center in Los Angeles, Woodland Hills and Calabasas, we support clients in developing healthier coping mechanisms and self-care practices. By understanding the connection between trauma and people-pleasing, individuals can begin to set boundaries, prioritize their own needs, and develop a stronger sense of self-worth.
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